If you’re like me, you probably still have the same list of things you’re hoping will change in 2017. You still want to lose 20 lbs., the same 20 lbs. you’ve been saying you’re going to lose probably for the last 20 years. You still want to write that book before someone steals your idea. You still want to start that business that God’s placed on your heart to start. Well, I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer, but nothing’s going to change in 2017 unless YOU change. Change doesn’t magically occur because the clock strikes 12 and the calendar starts over. Change is a mind thing, not a beginning of the year thing.

The reason we find ourselves making these same promises of change over and over is because mentally we aren’t ready to change. It sounds good. We know it’ll feel good, but the mind hasn’t accepted that new resolution yet. Change is something that takes time. It’s a day by day process. It takes determination and consistency to change something you’ve been doing, or not doing, for years. When it comes to change, it’s important to:

1. Change one thing at a time. Don’t take on too much or you’ll find yourself overwhelmed and eventually giving up altogether, well until Dec. 31 and then you’ll make the decision to try once again.

2.Celebrate the small victories. If you go to the gym and only walk for 10 minutes, that’s worth celebrating.

3.Set small goals. If you want to lose 20 lbs., don’t think about the whole 20. Set a weekly goal between 1-2 lbs. Doesn’t losing 1 lb. sound more doable than 20? Sure does to me.

4.Get an accountability partner. You may be amazed how many people are seeking to make the same changes as you. I was on the phone with one of my writer sisters and she was naming everything she wanted to change this upcoming year and her list was identical to mine.

5.Don’t set yourself up for failure. If you know your lifestyle won’t allow you to write 1,000 words a day, then don’t set that as your goal. Be realistic.

6.Track your progress. Keep a daily log or checklist of everything you’ve accomplished or didn’t accomplish that day. Seeing those checks or happy faces, whatever you use, does something for you. Hey, who says stickers are just for children? We like them too 🙂

7.Make it fun! Maybe going to the gym isn’t the right workout plan for you. What about dancing? Sports? No one says that the gym is the only place to lose weight. Try new healthy recipes. If you love cooking, then this should be fun for you. Don’t look at it as a chore, but as  fun life-change.

8.LIVE! Don’t forget to live and enjoy life. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you mess up, that’s fine just start over tomorrow. Look at tomorrow as your New Year. A fresh start. A do over.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! It’s my prayer that you and I will have different goals for 2018 because we will rock these 2017 goals :)!

If I could write to my younger self, there’s a lot of advice I’d give, but for the sake of this blog and your time, I’ll keep it short… well kinda short :).

Advice #1: Listen to your parents. They really do know what they’re talking about. Money really doesn’t grow on trees. Checks and credit cards aren’t free money, and that amount you saw on your mom’s check stub really isn’t as much as you were thinking.

Advice #2: Enjoy childhood for as long as possible. It’s not that bad things aren’t happening around you, but it’s considered “grown folks business,” and your parent’s never discussed it in your presence. You have no idea how beneficial that is, but believe me, you should appreciate the “leave the room when I’m speaking with an adult” rule.

Advice #3: Making your own decisions and taking care of yourself isn’t as fun as you perceive it to be. I know you think your parents are old-fashioned and treat you like a baby, which by the way you really are, but trust me you’ll want to stay there and be their baby for as long as you can.

Advice #4: Stop waiting to the last minute to work on school projects or to start studying for a test. You can do a lot better if you apply yourself more. Those bad habits will follow you into adulthood, and you’ll spend most of your life trying to change. Do it now!

Advice #5: Stop pouting when your mom says you have to go to your grandmother’s house. One day you’ll wish you could go there again.

Advice #6: When your mom comes in your room to watch The Young and The Restless tonight, cherish that time. Stare at her a little longer. Hold her a little tighter. Inhale her scent a little deeper.

Advice #7: Trust that there’s someone out there for you. There are going to be days when you’re much older, that you’ll start to question that. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. You’re #1 and if the guy clearly shows you that you’re not, run away and don’t look back. The one God has for you makes you feel special from the start. He’ll never give you a reason to question your role in his life. He’s the one!

Advice #8: I know your brother works on your nerves and you think he’s the meanest person ever, but one day you’ll see him differently. He’ll become someone you not only love, but really like. You’re going to admire him more than anyone in the world. And the best part is, your parents would be proud of him too. I know that’s hard to believe being that he’s probably tormenting you as you read this, but just take my word for it 🙂

Advice #9: Be comfortable being you. There’s going to be this thing called social media. Everyone’s life is going to look amazing on there. Just like yours, their life isn’t perfect either. Appreciate the life God’s given you, pain and all.

Advice #10: The most important advice I can share, so please listen carefully and write this down so you don’t forget. On July 2, 2015, when your dad calls….ANSWER THE PHONE! Trust me on this one.

P.S!!! One day you’re going to have a daughter who acts just like you, but don’t ever admit that to your husband. It’s your job to make him think she gets it from his side of the family LOL!

P.S.S. I know you’re not the kissy-kissy type, but get ready because you’ll have a son who’s going to shower you with kisses each and every day. Even when he’s upset with you, he’s going to kiss you because according to him, your kisses make everything better 🙂

What advice would you give your younger self?

With Christmas right around the corner, I can’t help but remember the Christmas of yesteryears. Christmas was, is, and prayerfully always will be my favorite holiday. I love the sights, sounds, and feel of it. It’s amazing how certain events can stick with you, and almost make you feel like you just experienced it a day or so before. Well, for me it’s Christmas as a youngster.

I remember the days leading up to Christmas I’d go shopping with my mom. Back then Columbia Street in Bogalusa was a big deal, and Fred’s was the major store. I used to love driving down Columbia Street with all the Christmas decorations and lights. Seeing it in my head now kinda feels like I’m watching an old movie. You couldn’t shop on Columbia Street and not get in the Christmas spirit.

  This isn’t Columbia Street but a close reminder from back then 🙂

The night before Christmas, if the temperature had dropped, my whole family (mom, dad, brother, and me) would all sleep in the den. It was warm in there, and my parents didn’t have to worry about trying to heat the whole house. That was so much fun. Knowing everyone I loved was right in one room all warm and toasty was the best feeling ever.

I can remember waking up on Christmas morning and running to the formal living room which is where the Christmas tree was kept. My brother and I would tear into those presents. I knew to expect the latest baby doll and a surprise gift. One year I got a radio and a Whitney Houston cassette. I loved that radio and played it all the time. I’m sure I worked on everybody’s nerves having to hear Whitney Houston playing over and over again LOL!

After we’d open gifts at home, we would put on our new Christmas clothes, pack up the car with more gifts for other family members, and prepare to take off for our thirty-second drive across the street to my grandparent’s house (seriously we did)

That’s when the fun really started. All my aunts, uncles, and cousins would come home for the holidays. My cousins and I played with our new toys. We ate the food my grandmother, mom, and aunts stayed up most of the night preparing. My grandparent’s house was filled with noise and laughter from the youngest to the oldest. I guess that’s why I can’t imagine a quiet Christmas. It wouldn’t feel like Christmas if I didn’t hear talking, laughing, and pots rattling from people going back for seconds or thirds.

Cousins Sheneda and Sobrena Christmas 09′ at our grandparent’s house.

I can’t remember if presents came after or before dinner, but I do know that one thing never changed. My cousins and I all knew we were getting $5 from my grandmother. We did wonder if she’d eventually…maybe move up to $10 when we got older, but nope she stuck with her $5. Hey, it was $5 more than we had LOL!

Christmas is quite different for me now. Instead of trying to force myself to sleep and waking up extremely early, now I go straight to sleep and pray the children will at least sleep past six o’clock. These days, my joy and excitement come from watching my children opening their gifts. 

I can say that even though many things have changed, some things remained the same. I don’t wake up early (voluntarily), I don’t get to eat my grandma’s cooking, receive her annual $5, or spend a cozy night with my parents, but every year God has blessed me to still hear and participate in the talking, laughing, and rattling of pots that let’s you know that it is indeed a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Sometimes things will happen in life to let you know you’re on the right path. This radio interview was definitely one of my clues. So, allow me to go to the beginning and tell you how all of this came about.

My friend and neighbor, Deshonda was telling me about Wes Hall, who’s an educational consultant, motivational speaker, and author. She filled me in on his workshop, then she told me about his book, “You Are the Money.” That alone piqued my interest enough to run to Amazon for a quick download. It took me about a week to read it because I was busy taking notes on every single chapter. Needless to say, I thoroughly enjoyed it. The message alone was life-changing. Think about that for a moment, “You Are The Money.” Really let that sink in.

Done? Powerful huh? One of the main points I got from the book is investing in your moneymaker which is you. Tiger Woods is the product that generates his millions. Oprah Winfrey is the product that generates her billions. You get it? They invested in themselves (time, finance, sacrifice, and education (which can be formal and/or informal). Stop waiting on outside sources to generate your income. Learn all you can, grow as much as you can, so that people are willing and ready to pay top dollars for what you have to offer.

So enough about that, but you can download the book if you’re interested in reading it You Are The Money Now, back to my story. I enjoyed the book so much that I talked about it on Twitter. Wes read what I’d written, no surprise there since I tagged him LOL! Anyway, he sent me this message.

It didn’t take long for me to accept that offer. Of course I wanted to be on his show! His book was awesome and he’s doing exactly what I hope to be doing one day, traveling around the world speaking and selling books. (Side note: When you have a clear goal in mind the smartest thing to do is learn from those who are already doing it.)

Well, I emailed Wes and waited for his response, which never came. However, as God would have it (I don’t believe in luck), Wes came back to Louisiana to do another workshop in Deshonda’s school district. I learned from Wes that as soon as he walked in the room, Deshonda told him that he knows her friend. When she told him it was me he was floored. How is it possible that Wes, who lives in California, from his knowledge has no family or friends in Louisiana, could possibly know Deshonda’s friend? (6 degrees of separation!)

Deshonda and Wes called me, and we I finally got a chance to talk. Wes scheduled our radio interview for that upcoming Thursday and can you say EXCITED! I was going to chat with Wes Hall, whose mentor is the one and only Les Brown. I love me some Les Brown by the way. Les’ book “Live Your Dream” was the first book my dad gave me when I left for college. I still have that book and refer to it often.

So, back to the show. The day of the interview I was so nervous. I’ve done countless radio interviews, but for some reason this one felt different. I can’t explain it, but something inside of me told me this was going to be the beginning of something BIG, and I still believe that. It’s been my experience that every opportunity God sends always leads to something even better than I imagined. This one will too. Just wait and see 

Well, now that you’re all caught up and understand how this interview came to be, below is the recording. I come in around the 21 minute mark. Enjoy and tell me what you think.

Radio Interview with Wes Hall

“Hey there, what are you up to?”

I can hear his voice just as clear as my own.

“Nothing much, just prepping my ingredients to get ready to cook.” Would be my response. He’d call around the same time every year for one request and one request only.

“You’re making a pound cake?” He’d ask already knowing the answer.

“Of course I am.” I’d smile at the knowledge of how much he enjoyed him some pound cake.

Cooking for my daddy was one of the greatest joys of the holidays. Seeing him sitting at our table enjoying the food I’d prepared and served to him. That was the highlight of my Thanksgiving, but last year that call didn’t come. It didn’t come this year either, and it’ll never come again, not from him.

Now understand this isn’t my first rodeo with this feeling. I had it in 1990 when my mother passed, then again in 2012 with the loss of my daughter. It’s not like the rest of the year is a breeze when dealing with grief, but the holidays seem to add an extra dose of sadness… if you allow it.

The lessons I’m sharing aren’t  from reading articles or performing interviews. These lessons come from real life experience. How I learned to keep the happy in the holidays.

Lesson 1: Recognize it for what it is.

If you’re sad, irritable, frustrated, and just not in the mood to deal with people, especially around this time, it could be that you’re grieving and don’t realize it. The funny thing about grief is it has a way of sneaking up on you and making you feel like you’re crazy. Your emotions are all over the place. Take some time for you. Listen to your feelings and don’t dismiss it as nothing. Allow yourself the time to grieve. Pushing it down won’t help. Cry if you need to cry. Scream if you need to scream. Slap someone if you….okay maybe that’s going too far :), but you get the point. Don’t brush it off.

Lesson 2: Talk about it.

These last few days I found myself feeling “blah.” I didn’t know why, all I knew was everyone was working my last nerve, though they probably didn’t see the eye rolls or hear the deep breaths… hopefully :). It wasn’t until I talked to my friend that I realized I was most likely feeling this way because the holidays are here and I’m missing my dad. After I talked with her, I felt so much better. My daughter even said you seem different. You’re acting goofier than usual LOL! Which takes me to my 3rd point.

Lesson 3: Try to be happy

During this time you have to try harder than normal to be happy. After you’ve cried or screamed, and talked to someone, then you put in the extra effort to be happy. Yesterday I joked around with the children and their laughter caused me to laugh. There’s something magical about laughter; you should try it. Find a funny movie or some funny Youtube videos. Before you know it you’ll start to feel lighter. It’s as if the laughter pushes the burden of grief right out of you. I’m serious it works, try it and see.

Lesson 4: Surround yourself with people

People feel like they’re down and they don’t want to bring others down, so they decide to stay home alone. BIG MISTAKE! Instead of going thinking you’ll bring others down, go with the attitude that they’re going to pull you up. Open yourself to receiving their energy instead of exerting yours on them.

I really hope these tips help you to have a happy holiday season. Remember that your happiness means more to your loved one than anything else. My parents and my baby were happy people. I’ll honor their memory by living the happiest life I can.